Whimsy is…

Mark 2:21-22

“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burse the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into the new wineskins.”

(emphasis mine)

Are you ever surprised at what you’ve read but never seen?

I know I’ve read this passage before. I’m pretty familiar with the wine/wineskins. But how have I never seen the the part about sewing? I love to sew. It’s my thing. Wine? Not so much. So how did it never catch my eye? I’m pretty sure in my mind the words went like this… garment, wine, wine skins, yada, yada, yada, yeah I know this already….

So God, what are you telling me here? Do I need to shrink my patch? This was my first thought. I need to do something. I need to take the patch He’s given me and wear it down until it fits my old garment. No, that can’t be right.

God, my garment is old. I’ve made mistakes with it. I haven’t really taken good care of it. It’s got this hole. And I keep thinking I’ve found the patch, but it never stays and the hole just keeps getting bigger. What am I going to do? I need you to fix it.

What?!? You don’t intend to fix it? You’re just going to let me run around with a big hole in my garment? What’s up with that?

Huh? You want me to take it off and throw it away? Um, God, it’s the only one I have. I should keep it. It’s nice and soft and comfy you know. I’ve had it a long time. It’s all broke in and my flesh is comfortable in it.

Oh, you have a new one for me. Yeah, that’s nice and all, but it looks like it might be a little itchy. You know how new fabric can be. It’s very pretty though. Beautiful really. It should probably go to someone else. I’m not really worthy of such finery. It would seem out of place for my life. I wouldn’t want to get it messed up. Really, just a patch for this hole will be fine.

Have you ever heard God get frustrated at you? I have. Maybe just this morning. It went like this.

“Fine, keep the old one. But I’m not fixing that hole for you. When you’re ready for the new garment, just let me know”

God, I’m not saying I don’t want the new one. But what if I mess up again? I might tear it. I should probably wait until I’m more refined. When I’ve …..

Oh, you know that already. And you’re still offering it to me?

Right now this scene is representative of our finances. (But looking back, I can see it applying to many things) We have a hole. I keep thinking that I’ve found the patch and that will fix it, but it doesn’t. And then the hole is bigger. I feel like I’m not really worthy for better and I keep trying to take what God is giving me and shrinking it down until it will fit my current situation. But that’s not what He wants. He wants me to change my whole attitude.

I need to get over feeling like I messed it up - I need to fix it. That’s not what He’s asking me to do. He’s asking me to recognize where I failed, and come to Him for forgiveness.

And a brand new garment.

Hey God – If the offer’s still open, I think I’d like to try that new one…

Again no real blog post, just a copy of a comment I left on someone else’s.

Kerflop (who I may have mentioned I love in a not creepy kinda way) is struggling with balancing the WAH with M in WAHM. I am much too familiar with this juggling act. Yesterday was an especially bad day for me and I was feeling like no one really understood my unique struggles.

And God? Thanks for the reassurance that I’m not alone out here.

My response:

Yesterday was one of those days for me too!!! I usually have the help of my 14 yo daughters when I am trying to do office work. But they got invited to the river with a couple from church (I’m sure because they have neglectful parents who don’t do that kind of thing with them) and it was just me and Kacie (2) and Brody (6)

I was literally standing there with my head in my hands ready to burst into tears. Asking God if I was crazy to try this WAHM thing. Honestly, I thought to myself, “Jessica seems to be balancing it all OK - doing fun stuff with her kids, taking care of business, making sure her husband feels loved” - basically the list of everything I felt I was NOT doing.

So, excuse me while I jump for joy to know that I’m not the only mother who looks up to find baby powder* dumped all over a room and the toddle gleefully filling her cup from the water cooler and then dumping it on a stack of brochures.

*Yes, I know it’s dangerous. That’s why I’ve locked the door and not cleaned it up yet. Should I get Hazmat involved? Is anyone going to inhale the dust and choke? Oy!

This is a comment I left at Chewymom’s blog. (I seem to write much better comments than I do actual blog posts) So go read her post, skip my comment if you’ve read it here.

Hat tip - Like Merchant Ships

YES!!! There are no black and white rules here. We have to draw close to the Lord and have Him guide us in our decisions. Sometimes He says save, sometimes He says spend. And if He says spend - spend and be happy about it.

Our family has been convicted as well about where to spend our money. For example. I love to knit -with natural fibers and well crafted needles. I felt guilty about it because, really, I could knit with the acrylic yarn and cheap metal needles at Walmart. But God brought me into my local yarn shop and I was just never the same.

My local yarn shop has an owner. A real woman with a family. Who offered to rock my baby so I could pet the yarn. Who offered me a private room to nurse the baby, but also let me know that nursing was welcome in every area of her store. Who sometimes gives me an extra discount when she knows I can’t afford something.

Her yarn and needles cost more, but when I’m buying a hand painted yarn, there is also a woman making money doing something she loves while remaining with her family.

Those are all things worthy of the dollar I have been given stewardship over.

Seld Discipline and I are not the best of friends. Heck, we’re barely acquantainces. I’m much more familiar with discipline imposed from outside forces, and for the record, I’m not fond of it either.

You know what I am most disliking about it right now? It’s really really hard to pass it on to your children when you don’t possess it yourself.

We are not a traditional family. We are self employed homeschoolers. That means our daily lives look pretty crazy to the rest of the world. It also means I have a lot of self imposed guilt about things not being perfect. (If you choose not to make friends with self discipiline - I can pretty much guarantee guilt will come a knockin) Mostly because I know people are looking at our family and thinking that we are horrible parents.

Today, I had to tell the teens that they could not attend choir practice and/or youth group. Blech. I hate that. They are such great kids. I hate telling them no. I hate denying them anything. But when given a list of tasks to complete, they wait until the last minute and then half way do them. DH and I have come to conclusion that they will be better served by learning that there will be consequences for those actions.

Crap. Consequences. Not a fan of them either. For me or my kids.

KS Milkmaid’s blog is “down”. Thankfully, I was able to read her last few posts on bloglines. If you don’t know Christina, she is one amazing woman. She’s dealing with the aftermath of bringing their family’s fight against domestic violence to light.

I can’t really begin to know what she’s dealing with, but I look forward to proclaiming victory with her one day!

Because I have made some incredible deep friendships online, it is unnerving to think about just how delicate our connection is. How easily we can lose contact.

If anyone has any updates or prayer requests for Chris that can be shared privately, please let me know.

And wishing I could come up with a catchier title. Whatever.

Sorry, this is a little hard to read with the —- but I felt odd having their names out there. Yeah, I know I’ve done it before, but not today oK?

This morning I was having trouble getting C—’s attention. Here’s how it went:

ME: C— - I need you too…

C—-: no response

ME: C—…..

C—-: no response

ME: C—-!

C—-: no response

ME: C—! Look at me when I’m talking to you!

C—-: You know I’m L—- don’t you?

At which point I had to double check and…. I wasn’t sure!!!

Sure enough, it was L—-. (or so I think….)

They are going to be 14 next month! You’d think I’d be able to tell them apart by now!

HT: Like Merchant Ships

I hadn’t heard about Oregon Gov. Theodore R. Kulongoski’s decision to live on $3 a day in grocery money for a week until Meredith brought it to my attention.

It brought tears to my eyes. If you’ve never tried it, I don’t think you can know just how hard it is.

I have been that poor. Looking past the food I knew would nourish my family to the food I could afford. Trying to figure out ways for my kids not to notice just how bad it was. It sucks. I know that’s not even a little polite, but it’s true. It’s actually the nicest way I can say it.

I still have touches of that time. There are weeks I have to stretch my grocery budget a little farther, but I can do it for a week or two. It’s when it’s EVERY week that really drains you.

If you haven’t experienced it. I urge you to try it for a week or two. But don’t use what you have built up in your pantry. Because after you’ve been poor for a while, there’s nothing in there.

Now that things are better and I hear my children thank God for the food they are about to eat, I am truly grateful. Thankful that I can put fresh fruit and vegetables on our table. Because I know what it’s like to count tomato sauce as the vegetable.

I may have mentioned that I live in Podunk USA. There are some advantages/disadvantages. Let’s take today for example. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home. Since I was already running late, I planned for precut lettce, chicken strips from the deli and some fruit.

1. Couldn’t find the lettuce I like. I like Boston lettuce. None to be had. Opted for regular bagged lettuce.

2. It was 6:30 pm and the deli was closed for the night. They did have some leftover fried chicken though.

3. SCORE! Strawberries for $2.99/2 lbs.

4. I was famished (and stressed from the day) and wanted some Gardettos snack mix. They don’t carry it.

5. Checkout. $35!!!! Good gravy! I reach for my debit card and it’s NOT THERE. My mind flashes back to Whimsybaby dumping them out of my purse and playing with them. (I was engrossed in my computer and wasn’t really paying attention - bad mom)

I dig around but all I have is $10. I tell the cashier what happened. She chuckles. (She knows my kids and odviously is not surprised by my poor parenting)

No problem. They let me go (with my food) and tell me to stop back by or have DH stop by if he can to pay for it later.

You know, I don’t think Walmart handles it that way. They also don’t have the guy behind the meat counter who will cut your meat just the way you want it and wrap it in freezer paper.

They do have non frozen chicken breasts and exotic lettuces but they NEVER let me leave w/o paying.

I just got a portable hard drive (that I think I love) because my computer is acting suspicious and WOW! Look at me not waiting until it’s too late to back something up!

Anyway all was good until my “safely remove hardware icon” disappeared.

What’s a girl to do? No worries. Leo knew the answer. After much googling I found him and his simple workaround.

ASK LEO

Tapestries of Grace has a free 3-week mini unit availaible. I had been wanting to try this curric, but was too afraid to lay out the $$. I am super excited about this free trial. So are the kids.

Hat Tip - Keer

I checked Cable in the Classroom, and sure enough, there are several shows on Egypt this month. I’ll be setting my handy TiVo tonight. Wait, can I do that online? I’ll have to check. That would so ROCK!

Anyway, I’ve been feeling unsettled about our homeschooling. I’ve been talking about it over at JavaDawn’s, here and here. (and probably more places that I’m too lazy to look up) I thought Switched on Schoolhouse was going to be the answer, but I’m feeling too out of the loop and not liking it. I’m not knocking the program. I chose it because I thought I wanted to be less involved. And maybe I needed to be for a season to refresh my outlook. Dunno.

Anyway…off we go….

ETA - yes, I know part of the picture is cut off. yes, it’s bothering me too. but I am CHOOSING not to fix it right now because I’m too busy trying to see if I can set my Tivo online