from Missouri
I got this from my sister. I had to edit it in a few places.
- If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Missouri.
- If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don’t work there, you might live in Missouri .
- If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Missouri
- If you have ever worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Missouri.
- If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Missouri.
- If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Missouri
YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TRUE MISSOURIAN WHEN:
1. Vacation means going east or west on I-70 for the weekend but you never leave the state.
2. You measure distance in time instead of miles. (it’s 45 minutes to Jeff City)
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You drive 65 mph through a raging blizzard, without flinching. (Not any more, thanks to Global Warming, we hardly ever get snow anymore)
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including
weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave
both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them. (I don’t actually know how to use mine, but someone will always stop to help)
9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow. When we had snow
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter,
road construction, & It’s Hot.
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
a blue spruce.
13. “Down south” means the boot heel of Missouri.
14. A brat is something you eat.
15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. (Again, no snow)
18. You find 0 degrees a “little chilly.” (Again, GW, it’s usally 40-50 degrees during the winter now)
19. You know the difference between corn and soy beans at a glance.
20. You know that East St. Louis is not in Missouri .
21. A “hill” is any landmass higher than 20 feet above sea level.
22. You never drive anywhere within 20 miles of home without
their being road construction.
23. You don’t believe it until you see it.
24. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Missouri friends
